Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
