I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i think my tv is drunk
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.