he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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