I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.