Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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