Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
it glows. i had to have it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
