I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize