i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
