I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
