I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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