I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
