your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
