you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
