I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
