Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just sucked dick on a ferry
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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