I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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