woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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