Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
