No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
