Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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