Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
