it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
