pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
