I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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