Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
