Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
