you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
