i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
