Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
