shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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