woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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