i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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