1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
