wakey wakey hands off snakey
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
