I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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