He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
