The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
