Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
