you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
