I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
