at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am one with the molecules
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize