highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
