Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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