I think im going to throw up on grandma
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
