I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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