First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
