i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
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i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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