So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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