So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
