remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
