No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
