I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
