It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
this boner is exhausting
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
