im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
