Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
