If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
