Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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