I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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