I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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