so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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