I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
