When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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