I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
