Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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