I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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