we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
