she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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