The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
