omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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