i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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