I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
