highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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